I find myself just going through the motions of daily life, doing what I'm instructed to do. Not thinking, not reflecting, not becoming enthusiastic by anything that I'm doing. About the change, difference, and legacy I'm leaving. Becoming frustrated with having discussions that are only able to last 15 minutes during advisory when we could spend all day and still not be done. Overwhelming myself with trying to be a perfect person and enjoying the rare people that realize I'm not. I was digging myself a hole until I realized something yesterday.
Nothing is considered important to me until I make it important.
People may say that personal standards, mission statements, and beliefs is what makes you yourself. But only if we make it matter to us. I was chugging along at incredible speed, doing more than I ever thought I would in one year. I would attempt to make it matter by stopping, relaxing, then thinking, "What matters to me? What do I want to do next?" only to continue on to doing what I needed to do next. Even into this summer I was still doing more than I'd expected. I was still chugging along, in the middle of July. What type of kid does that? Yesterday I decided that it was time to stop and be selfish. I was going to use the rest of my summer for me. Reminded by Kristina Peters that it was great to put pen to paper and write. I told myself I was going to write anything I wanted so long as it wasn't social studies notes, english essays, math homework, or science labs. I hadn't written anything since then. I was going to stop going and start writing.
Last night I wrote down this reflection of what I consider my first world problems and that night I slept the best I could ever remember. Not laying awake for hours thinking about what I needed to do, wanted to do, or what I'd done. My plan is to get my sanity back by transforming the #365views project into a daily writing project. Writing something of my own everyday. Whether it's on sticky notes, lined paper, or published on this blog I consider it to all be writing. I'm going to put pen to paper, become enthused, and reflect upon my difference, my change, and my legacy.